Frustrated...at so many things and at myself. Why am I not mature enough? Why am I so lazy? Why do I simply spend my money? Why do I sleep late and then regret it in the morning? Why am I not smart? Why do I hate being at home? Why do I hate being around him? Why do I even feel and think like this? Why did the slipped disk had to happen to me? Why can't I resist the temptation of food? Why did I go for operation causing me to not be able to exercise for 9months? Why did this happen when I had just decided to live a more healthier lifestyle? Why? Why?! WHY?!
I don't have the answers. Frustrated and angry and sad and annoyed by myself. All I know is anime. Sleep. Eat. Hang out with friends. People are supposed to get smarter as they grow older, become more hardworking and so on. So WHY am I in a reversed cycle?
Really, I don't know since when did I started to dislike being at home. Being around him. I want to change but I think the key to that door has been destroyed. Not even sure if it will be able to be opened again. This is troublesome and annoying.
Dammit. All this thinking is making me 3mo again. やぱり私はダメな人間だ！
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