Random thoughts...or maybe not so random...

Just felt like blogging tonight. Wasted a whole day sleeping and then not doing any work because I'm feeling lazy. I know that I might regret it tomorrow but I still don't feel motivated! Anyways... just wanted to let out what I feel about myself. I have never thought that I am pretty or beautiful or it doesn't hurt me when I get comments like I'm ugly or what not. In fact I would agree with them! I know that I am not very smart compared to all those intelligent girls all over the world. I am so incapable of doing anything these days. I don't like disappointing people but I don't think I am as reliable as I used to be anymore. I don't know why. I'm so unladylike. I talk loud and I talk too much. My face looks so serious all the time, what can I do? I was born with this face. I'm not pretty or beautiful. Not even smart. I'm fat! And getting fatter every day! Wanna lose weight but I don't have a will strong enough to do so! I'm just a stupid idiot who doesn't know what I need. I know all that. But I am still a girl. I try to laugh it off when you give snide comments like that in front of people. It may have been a joke but I think I'm just not that big of a person to not care what you said and forget about it. I always try to do that but in the end, it'll just pop up again in my mind. I don't know how to put this or to tell you because I don't want to seem like I can't take jokes. But jokes like these are sometimes too much for me to handle.

Troubled...

Been a long time since I've felt this confused about assignments. I think I've become too dependent on my friends. Every time I would be in a group where there is at least one or two friends who know a thing or two about the assignment. Now that I enrolled in a subject that none of my friends are taking this semester, I'm like a big blob who does not know what the hell I am doing. Everything is a mess. I feel like I am stuck somewhere and I don't know who to call for help anymore because my friends don't know how to help me and they have enough to worry about without me adding to their worries. I hate this feeling. It's like that hopeless feeling where you know that you're gonna fail by the end of the semester and there is nothing you can do about it. T_T Lord, give me the strength and wisdom and guide me through this mess. Amen!