Its Time.

Heck. I really think it is time. Time for me to just give up. If it was going to work, it would have worked a long time ago. Decided this after the D gang walked to Russ' relative's place for dinner. It hurts like hell but I think this is for the better good. For me and for them.

Ling, Shir and me went to Ipoh Kopitiam and I suddenly told them I've decided to just give up. Ling might be right. She said I might have just told myself that I like him but actually I don't like him. Shirley began lecturing me about how a guy like him, even if he likes me, would not be of any good cause of his moves. I don't think I can stand seeing them that intimate in front of me anymore. I wanna tell them so they'd know and stop doing that but it is their right to do whatever hell they want where ever and when ever they want.

Now...come to think about it. I might have just fitted in the group cause I can drive. I don't mean that the others are using me but the way HE puts it makes me feel that Im just "wanted" cz I could drive them around when He is lazy. I guess I don't mind driving them around but I guess the truth really hurts. Its not like he wants to see me so he asks me to drive. Its just a person more to help him send the others back. I don't find sending them back troublesome. Just....don't say it like that.

Maybe I should take up my mum's offer to go to KL. I might be able to forget all this easier. If I could go to Australia it would be EVEN better!!! Russell can bring me everywhere and we can have hungry jacks and talk till the moon turns blue. T_T

I pray that God will give me the strength to forget about all this. Being with the lot is real fun, just that everytime I see them so lovey - dovey, I can't help feeling that jab in my chest and the vines of jealousy just creeps up and suffocates my heart. Never felt this way before. So if Ling is right, WHY do I feel this way?

OKAY!! ENOUGH OF MY CRAP!!! STUDY MODE SWITCHED ON!! NO MORE THINKING OF THIS NEGATIVE THOUGHT!!!! FIGHTO!!!! GANBATTE!!! I CAN DO THIS. ACE MY FINALS AND THEN I CAN 3MO ALL I WANT WITH FLYING COLOURS!!! 4HD'S!!!!!!! WHOO HOO!!!!

Him & Her.

Haih. Just when I thought things were starting to go my way. Just when I got my hopes up. Everything just collapses. I'm trying so hard to accept the fact that they will be together sooner or later. So why did she have to tell me that he told her that he didn't like her?? Well...I'm partly at fault for asking but that isn't the point.

Ever since after that day she told me about that, she has been throwing herself all over him like nothing happened. I'm beginning to think that it probably did not happen or it did just that she interpreted what he said wrongly. Hooking her arms over his, holding hands while walking. I admit I feel a tinge of jealousy when I see them...They are practically a couple already so why, WHY won't they go official already!? Although I know that it will hurt like hell but. I think if that happened, I'd get over this and recover faster from this hell hole.

Yesterday, all of us went out and just hanging out together. Played truth or dare. He kissed her. Before that, he buried me with pillows and after that he snatched my pillows. When I asked " Why u bury me with the pillows and now you want to snatch them?!" He answered "Not snatching, just wanna kacau you." I'm probably just thinking too much cause he is a guy, and guys just love to disturb people for no reason but I nevertheless I felt happy at the time.

Today...we were hanging out at Uni again. I lay on the small "hill" looking at the blue sky that was so calming and soothing while he kept pestering me to go to the lobby cause he was feeling hot. I asked them to go in first and I'd follow them later but in the end everyone stayed on the hill. Then it was sorta like a photo - taking session. The 2 of them were sorta lovey - dovey. She sat on his knees and I just looked away and pretended not to see. Before this, I've always seen her sitting on his lap, him sitting on her lap, him lying on her lap and her lying on his. I've always pretended not to notice and either just look away or do something to occupy myself. But this time, pictures were taken and uploaded. V is right. The pictures really have the 'feel'. Very sweet. So why am I so emo right now? I hate myself for this.

Why did I think so highly of myself? Thinking that I would actually have a shot at this? Stupid! BAKA! This is not Kimi ni Todoke! I am not Sawako and he ain't Shota! But I can't help myself. It really really hurts when I see them or the pictures. I don't even know myself anymore. I need Russell to come back cause I have so much to tell and release all this stupid things bottled up in me. Hope June arrives soon. T_T