Fantasies...

Ahhh... Since when did i become so lazy? It seems that recently I've become so lazy to do anything. No motivation, no energy, no enthusiasm, no drive to do anything except just lazing in bed watching anime. Gawd. No wonder I am getting fatter and fatter by the second. =_=

Anyways, I have finally followed Skip Beat! manga until the latest chapter. This manga never cease to make me stop admiring the characters especially Kyoko with her perseverance, her hidden talents and her "dumb" lucks? Haha... To top it off, she is a Capricorn! XD Maybe I should make her one of my inspiration! I like the KyoRen (Kyoko x Ren) combination too! Whats more, Ren is an Aquarius! This combination is just like a real life couple that I know! Ahhh... So sweet!

After reading the manga, it makes me excited and I actually feel like I want to try to act and look like someone that's not me but is me at the same time! Haha... Her character from switched from Mio Hongo (scary and twisted) to Natsu (charismatic but also scary and twisted) to Setsu (looks like a delinquent but at the same time, sexy, hot, daring and playfully naughty) makes it so exhilarating that I wanna try to do that! Oh my goodness.... I am beginning to fantasize again. It feels so cool to be her! But then I don't think I have what it takes...

Recently I realized that (not sure since when) I started building a barrier around myself. I try not to say anything unnecessary and blend into the background. I am not sure of the reason too! Its like I'm trying to block out my family members...it feels as if I'm like an empty shell at home! It's like I am making them ignore me... I don't know how to be that type of daughter that is able to speak freely at home anymore...maybe its because I feel that its awkward? Haih... I don't really know what to do anymore...

What am I going to do with my life? It's like I am wasting my life but I have no direction...Not even sure if taking this course was the right choice or not. Not sure what am I going to do when I graduate, not sure why I am acting like this, not sure about my love life (Not that i have any anyways...), not sure about my leadership skills, not sure about anything anymore.... It's so depressing!!! Tonight is one of those days when I just feel like I feel into a dark pit....Sooo emo! Dammit! What am I doing?! Gonna continue watching Skip Beat! anime to cheer me up!