Him & Her.

Haih. Just when I thought things were starting to go my way. Just when I got my hopes up. Everything just collapses. I'm trying so hard to accept the fact that they will be together sooner or later. So why did she have to tell me that he told her that he didn't like her?? Well...I'm partly at fault for asking but that isn't the point.

Ever since after that day she told me about that, she has been throwing herself all over him like nothing happened. I'm beginning to think that it probably did not happen or it did just that she interpreted what he said wrongly. Hooking her arms over his, holding hands while walking. I admit I feel a tinge of jealousy when I see them...They are practically a couple already so why, WHY won't they go official already!? Although I know that it will hurt like hell but. I think if that happened, I'd get over this and recover faster from this hell hole.

Yesterday, all of us went out and just hanging out together. Played truth or dare. He kissed her. Before that, he buried me with pillows and after that he snatched my pillows. When I asked " Why u bury me with the pillows and now you want to snatch them?!" He answered "Not snatching, just wanna kacau you." I'm probably just thinking too much cause he is a guy, and guys just love to disturb people for no reason but I nevertheless I felt happy at the time.

Today...we were hanging out at Uni again. I lay on the small "hill" looking at the blue sky that was so calming and soothing while he kept pestering me to go to the lobby cause he was feeling hot. I asked them to go in first and I'd follow them later but in the end everyone stayed on the hill. Then it was sorta like a photo - taking session. The 2 of them were sorta lovey - dovey. She sat on his knees and I just looked away and pretended not to see. Before this, I've always seen her sitting on his lap, him sitting on her lap, him lying on her lap and her lying on his. I've always pretended not to notice and either just look away or do something to occupy myself. But this time, pictures were taken and uploaded. V is right. The pictures really have the 'feel'. Very sweet. So why am I so emo right now? I hate myself for this.

Why did I think so highly of myself? Thinking that I would actually have a shot at this? Stupid! BAKA! This is not Kimi ni Todoke! I am not Sawako and he ain't Shota! But I can't help myself. It really really hurts when I see them or the pictures. I don't even know myself anymore. I need Russell to come back cause I have so much to tell and release all this stupid things bottled up in me. Hope June arrives soon. T_T