Troubled...

Been a long time since I've felt this confused about assignments. I think I've become too dependent on my friends. Every time I would be in a group where there is at least one or two friends who know a thing or two about the assignment. Now that I enrolled in a subject that none of my friends are taking this semester, I'm like a big blob who does not know what the hell I am doing. Everything is a mess. I feel like I am stuck somewhere and I don't know who to call for help anymore because my friends don't know how to help me and they have enough to worry about without me adding to their worries. I hate this feeling. It's like that hopeless feeling where you know that you're gonna fail by the end of the semester and there is nothing you can do about it. T_T Lord, give me the strength and wisdom and guide me through this mess. Amen!

First OP!!

Now... where should I start? It's been quite some time since I've blogged. I guess blogging has become my way to vent or complain and act like a stuck up princess in my own world. LOL... Tonight, however, it is to calm myself before the minor operation tomorrow. It all started with my left hip. I think I twisted it once in high school but it healed after going to see a physio. Then I got another twist in the same area because I lifted some heavy stuff. I thought "time can heal everything" but apparently it does not apply to physical injuries so I went to see a massage therapist. Did some painful things like 拔罐, (known as fireglass cupping?) and the hip pain was gone. BUT it didn't last. Come to think of it, I'm not sure if the pain REALLY went away or the pain that was inserted onto my body made me forgot the hip pain. HEH... After that, I fell down while carrying a crate of soft drinks when I was working at me mum's shop. Then my friend recommended that I go to this other "sifu" who's treated many athletes' leg, hip and other injuries. I went, it was successful but again it only lasted for 2 weeks. Did not go to see him again but gradually, I felt like the pain was getting worse so I went again. This time, the pain was quite intense that I had some trouble sleeping... Been experiencing this for awhile but I disregarded it and I went swimming, joined Aikido lesson to burn my FATS. Also went for a badminton session wif my groupies and that was when my right leg started to have this numbness and tingling sensation. My good friend told me that she had some pretty serious injury as a kid and this "sensei" helped her recover and recommended I try it. So I did. Went for a few sessions and my left leg felt much better after the 2nd session. BUT this was not the case for my right leg. The numbness continued and it got worse. Now it hurts when I am standing and even more when I am sitting down. This morning I went to see the doctor again (because he went home even though I had a 430pm appointment with him yesterday) and he said that I need to do a MRI scan so he can identify specifically what's wrong with me. He did perform a test on me by asking me to lie down on my back and then lifting up my right leg until it was almost 90 degree. The pain was so intense. He then told me that my hunch was right. My nerve is pinched by something. AND that was how I spent my whole morning at the hospital. My first time getting a MRI scan and I fell asleep during the scanning. HAHA... Thank GOD I woke up before it was done or else it would have been EMBARASSING!!! Then when the doctor saw my films, he said:"Aiyo, your bone is out of place, and the last intervertebral disk is degenerative and because the disk cracked, the inner gel like substance leaked which caused a bulge and narrows the canal for my spinal nerves." That was the reason I'm getting all those painful signals from my nerves. So the conclusion is that I need to go for a minor operation tomorrow morning... to be honest, I feel nervous and afraid of what will happen tomorrow. I guess it shouldn't be something that I should be worried about but I still am fretting about it. I really am such a brat. Small kids undergo MAJOR operations everyday and I don't see them complaining. I should SUCK it up! Be a man! Wait... I'm not a man, but whatever... Just believe that Jesus will be there to accompany me!! =) PLUS, what HE went through for all my sins is WAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY MORE painful than whatever mine is going to be! PRAISE THE LORD! WOW... I just wrote a novel about something that is so negligible. Gotta stop whining and brace myself! Gonna try to record one more song cover. =P Hope it comes out good.... TTFN!

T.I.S.

This morning was him, now it's her?! WTF. No remote to come in so I climbed the wall. Told her and I got scolded. So its my fault for not taking the remote. Last time I took it I tiok cheng! Said I didn't gao dai that I go out. So WTF did I leave the note on the table for? Said that i think im an Adult already so move out! Not that I contribute anything in this house. Fk this shit. If I knew this was gonna happen I shouldn't have did the laundry even. This thought was lingering in my mind for some time dy. Maybe it's time for me to move. Or time for me to just die. Nothing is gonna change anyways since I'm always never at home. Stay at home say I don't exercise. Go out swimming n do martial arts say I'm never at home. Just because You didn't see doesn't mean that I did not do the fking chores. It just means tht I don't like to be seen. No pocket money so I need to work la.Dammit. That's y I'm always never at home! Always said that u want something, earn yourself. And now I'm the one whos wrong? If there's a steady flow of pocket money every month, there won't be this situation. I'm fking trying to cut Ur fking expenses by trying my best not to get money from u. I'm asking too much. I'm the worst kind of my kind huh. I guess I am. Well tough luck. Probably you'd be better off giving me up for adoption. I wonder if I should just disappear. It would make everyone's life so much more easier.

憎しみ

你以为这样威胁我，我就会屈服了吗？ 从现在开始我会更加讨厌你。什么都可以讲，你偏偏要扯到没关系的人？ 要骂要打就冲着我来！ 说人家没家教，你牵连到没关系的人，根本不知道发生什么事的人，你更没家教。我觉得我们的关系永远都不会进步了。有变化也只会往坏的方面进展。就这样，是你，把距离拉得更远！

今はわかっている

今はちょっと君の感じをわかています。あの子は時々口が悪いね。むかしはそんな話はしていますけど、私何も誰にも言わなかった。とにかく、今私も君の感じをよくわかっています。 今はも寝ます。

Payphone...plans made for 2?

How I wish that I have someone that will hold my hand like in the dramas that I've watched...comfort me when I am down, hug me when he knows that a hug is all I need to brighten up my day. But then there is always that question that pops up... How do I know that I really like him or if he is the one? Wanna try to properly go out on a date and have fun but i guess the time has not come yet. Always afraid that I'm not ready but I keep on wanting someone who knows me for me. Understands me without having me to say so. God please help me to stop these feelings from overflowing. I keep having these feelings but I dont know where to direct them to. I hate this feeling!! I feel like an idiot. Help.... T_T Makes me Emo for no reason sometimes. Ugh. Am I some kind of teen who just reached puberty? I'm turning 21 soon for goodness sake and I still feel confused over this kind of stuff. Pathetic. Damn. 誰か、助けてください？

Desperate?

Love to watch all these romance animes and dramas from Japan and Korea. It makes me feel alive somehow but it also makes me feel lifeless sometimes. I keep hoping and telling myself that my prince would come one day soon but when it it gonna happen? I think I am really desperate. =X Why do I even feel this way? Because of my raging hormones? Or is it because I'm just jealous of my friends who have actually been in love or a relationship before? I don't even know how to define liking a person and I don't want something like the first time happening again . Maybe I'm destined to be alone...Sen at my work place I found that I'm not that socialiable compared to another colleague .

I want to take things slowly and let things unfold by themselves one at a time but I keep wanting everything to happen faster. I think I am really an impatient person.