Wow... Its been so long since I've been here. Every thing has changed so much. The layout is so different, just like how my surroundings are getting more and more different. Just when I thought I do not need to express myself here anymore, somethings happen. I'm not sure who I can talk to because even I am not sure what am I confused or what I wanna talk about.
I have been very emotional lately and I don't know the reason. Lonely? I'm not sure. Angry? About what? I don't know. Sad? I have no idea why. Everything is so damn confusing. That KL incident that caused a crack in our friendships, I sometimes hoped it had never happened. One less friend I can talk to.
Today I realized that I actually am a very selfish person. I want the people around me to be mine and mine only. Most of my closest friends are leaving Kuching soon. I don't know why but I feel like crying when I heard that. We were always very busy so even when we're in Kuching, we seldom go out. But when I found out that they'll be leaving, I got this heart wrenching feeling. Maybe Im just being jealous that Im still here and not out there. I hate this feeling.
Him too. I think he found someone new. I should be happy for him I guess, but somehow I'm not and I'm not sure why. Is it because I don't really like the girl? Somewhere in me I knew this day would eventually come but I didn't think it'll be this vexing. It feels like we are drifting apart. When we were talking this afternoon, he also noticed that I didn't look at him when I talked. It was more like I couldn't. I think I was afraid that if I looked at him I might cry or something.
What the hell is wrong with me? I don't know how to tell anyone about this. The only person that I could talk to about this kind of stuff and not feel uncomfortable was him. Now...I guess that option is not avaliable anymore....
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